Good Girl

        Daisy was all skin and bones, a wrinkled hot dog that had been left in the sun. Her eyes were misty and she was missing teeth and patches of fur. But you’d never know how old she was from the sound of her shrieking barks. I shot my hands to my ears and hurried to the door while her cries for help cascaded through my tiny apartment. 
        “Sorry”, I said as I opened the door. “She’ll stop soo-” 
        Tommy’s lips interrupted my apology. His salt-and-pepper stubble scratched against my face and Daisy’s barks melted away. He detached himself and brushed the hair out of my face. “I did say I’d kiss you first thing.” 
        “Thought you’d at least say hi first.” 
        “You know a better way to say hello?” Daisy let out a particularly piercing howl and I cupped my hands over my ears. Tommy was unphased. He looked over my shoulder to see Daisy. “May I?”  
        “Careful”, I said. Tommy walked past me and crouched in front of Daisy’s oversized bed. “She’s not….” He outstretched his hand and Daisy stopped barking. She even licked him. My jaw slacked. “Are you kidding me?” 
        “What can I say?” Tommy turned around and flashed a smile. “I’ve got a thing for needy pups.” 
        Before long, we made our way to the bedroom. Tommy was behind me as my face was pushed into a pink penguin plushie. My mattress slid around the room with each thrust like a ship without an anchor and the bell on the end of my black leather collar jingled to a steady beat. I closed my eyes and sucked the faint scent of sweat and cigarettes out of the penguin. 

        “Call me a slut”, I said.
         Tommy slowed his pace. “Is that something you like?” 
        “Just say it.” 
        Tommy hesitated. “You’re a slut.” 
        The pace picked up. “A dirty slut”, I said.
        “You’re a dirty slut.” He was starting to enjoy himself. The bell thrashed from the end of my collar.
        “I’m a stupid piece of shit.” My voice was muffled from the plushie. 
        “What?” 
        I pulled my face from the penguin and turned around. “Tell me I’m a stupid piece of shit.” 
        Tommy slowed down again. “Is that…something you…” 

        “Please.” 

        He stopped. “You’re a stupid piece of shit.” 

        Mallory enters wearing nothing but lacy panties and the black leather collar with a bell attached that I bought for her. She joins me in bed and we entangle our bodies. I had forgotten how soft she was. How her hair matches the turning oak leaves out our bedroom window. 

    I pull away and look in her eyes.“You’re a good girl”. She wiggles in approval beneath me. Her bell jingles. “Thank you, Mommy.” I blush. For a few minutes, our problems melt away. 

        “Such a good girl”, I say. There’s a scratch at the bedroom door. “Not now, Daisy.” 

        Mallory places her hand on my cheek. “Call me a slut.” 
        I bite my lip. I can tell she wants it. “You’re such a slut”, I say. Mallory wiggles and whimpers. “A good slut.” She’s still. “You’re such a good girl.” There’s another scratch at the door. 
        “Daisy!” says Mallory. 
        “Easy”, I say. Mallory glares at me, then forces a smile. Our lips reconnect and we lose ourselves in the moment. “You’re a good girl”, I say. 
        Mallory exhales. “Say something else.” 
        “Ummmmm.” I’m paralyzed, but this is our chance. I have to say something. “You’re a stupid piece of shit.” 
        Mallory laughs. 
        “I’m sorry!” The blood in my body rockets to my cheeks. 
        “It’s ok.” She starts to push me off of her. 
        I hold her beneath me. “I can come up with something else!” There’s another scratch at the door. “Fuck off, Daisy!” 

        I realize I’m yelling. I see that Mallory is in pain. I’m squeezing too tight. There’s fear in her eyes. “I think it’s over, sweetie.” 

        “Why would you buy me a car?” I was shivering in the doorway of my apartment building as Tommy stood in front of a minivan.  He wrung his hands and the snow blew hard against his face. 
        “Well, it’s just…I raised all that money…” 
        “That money wasn’t for me.” 
        “I know.” Tommy scratched the back of his neck. “But she’s not eating. The vet said...” 
        “I know what she said. God, I didn’t even want you to come.”
        “I wanted to be there.”     
        “Well, that’s your problem.”  I went back inside and slammed the door behind me. When I was in my apartment I laid with Daisy in her bed until I fell asleep to the sound of her labored breaths.

        A weather alert on my phone woke me up. I looked out the window and saw an avalanche of snow dancing in the night sky. I checked Daisy - her chest was barely moving. A soft whimper accompanied each breath. 

        I grabbed her chicken and liver wet food from the fridge, mixed it with some cranberry juice for her bladder, then placed the dish in front of her. “Please”, I said. “Please eat.” But she didn’t open an eye. I grabbed the penguin plushie from her bed and held it tight. The scent was almost gone. 
        Before I could think, I was calling Mallory. I held the phone to my ear. No answer. The voicemail clicked on. “Hey”, I said. “Sorry to call so late. Or I guess it’s earlier where you are, but…Daisy’s sick. She’s not…and I just thought maybe if you were here…If you could maybe talk to her…But…I dunno. I know I fucked up. I know I’m a fuckup. I hope you’re happy with him. I’m sorry, Mallory. For everything.” 

        Mallory’s pink penguin is peeking out of her backpack. She crouches in front of a cage belonging to a graying dachshund with patches of fur missing. “Cute!” 
        At the end of the linoleum hallway lined with cages of lost puppies is a small window. I can see a golden finch in a nest, hidden by the green leaves of an oak tree. She’s sitting on her eggs, eyes scanning for danger. She looks tired. I wonder if she misses her mate.
        “I want this one.” Mallory is staring at me. 
        I look at Daisy’s cloudy eyes. “Are you sure? These old dogs are a big commitment.” 
        Mallory rolls her eyes. “I’ll be sure to walk her, Mommy.” 
        I blush. “Ok. But You have to help. I don’t want to get caught taking care of her alone.” I look in Mallory’s eyes. “You promise?” 
        Mallory nods. “I promise.” 

        I couldn’t see more than a few feet ahead of me as I groped my way through the snow. My mittened hands were numb and my arms were tired from carrying Daisy in a bundle of blankets. She was cuddled up with the pink penguin, whining and shivering as she slept.
        “I’m sorry it took so long”, I said. “Just four more blocks.” 
        The slushy powder whipped against my face and my thick coat weighed me down. I felt like I was walking through tar. I was exhausted by the end of the next block so I crouched down into the snow. Daisy opened her eyes and I held her tight. Tears started to spill out. She stuck out her tongue and licked one away. 
        I laughed. “Oh, now you’ll eat.” Daisy whimpered. I placed my hand on her chest. I could barely feel the shallow rise and fall of her breath. “I’m sorry you’re hurting. I rested my forehead against the top of her skull. “I don’t know how to help. But I love you so much. Please don’t go.”  I clung to Daisy as we were slowly entombed by the snow.

        Mallory and I sit in a grassy field at dusk. Daisy is running towards us with a tennis ball in her mouth. She drops it at my feet. She’s panting and her tail is wagging as she lays on her side. I place my hand on her belly. 
        “Do you think we should be feeding her more?” Mallory is watching the sunset. She doesn’t hear me. “Mallory?” 
        Mallory starts and looks at me. “Hmm?” 

        “Do you think we should be feeding Daisy more?” 
        “Sounds good, babe.”  She returns to the horizon. 
        “What is it with you and sunsets?” 
        Mallory takes a deep breath and smiles. “Just enjoying it while it lasts.” 
        Daisy rests her head on my lap. I take Mallory’s hand and watch the sunset, confident that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be

        I was wrapped in an icy cocoon when a pair of headlights cut through the swirling powder. I could barely make out the shape of Tommy’s head. He came out of his truck, dusted the snow off of us, and I allowed him to lead us to the passenger seat. Tommy buckled me in, then took his place in the driver’s seat. 

        “Where to?” Tommy had his eyes glued to the road.
        “The vet. Few blocks that way, on -”
        “I know where it is.” Tommy lurched his truck forward. 

        I was regaining feeling in my limbs thanks to Tommy’s heater and Daisy was snoozing comfortably in my lap. I looked out the window and saw a car abandoned on the side of the road, hazard lights flashing. 3 blocks to go.
        “Wait”, I said. “How'd you find me?” 
        Tommy didn’t look at me, but he grinned. “Check the center compartment.” I complied and found a rectangular jewelry box. Relief washed over me when I opened it and saw a brand new black leather collar rather than a wedding ring.“I was on my way to your place to give you that.” Tommy was blushing. “You’re lucky I found you when I did.” 
        “Thank you.” I started to place the collar in my jacket pocket. 
        “Don’t you wanna try it on?” Tommy was watching me from his peripherals.
        I sighed, then tried to put the collar on. “It’s too tight.”
        “Damn”, said Tommy. “Well, I can attach a bit more leather - we’ll figure something out.” I placed the collar in my pocket and looked out the window. I could feel Tommy watching me. “Do you think you’ll wear it?” 
        “Maybe. Can we talk about this later?” 
        “Oh”, said Tommy. “Sure.” 
        We passed through a blinking red light. 2 blocks to go. I looked at Daisy, fast asleep in my lap. She seemed alright. Maybe she could make it another night.
        I sighed and placed my hand on Tommy’s thigh, slowly petting him with my thumb. “Remember what you did to that guy who called me a bitch?” 

        Tommy was smiling. “He didn’t call you a bitch.”  
        “No, at that house show. Remember?” 
        “Yeah, but he didn’t call you a bitch. He called you a bi - that’s all he got out before I punched him.”
        We laughed. Tommy took one hand off the wheel to hold mine. When we finished the penultimate block of our journey, I removed my hand from his and held Daisy and the pink penguin tight. I cried until Tommy pulled into a strip mall and parked right in front of the vet. He pulled the keys out and looked at me. 

        “Should I come with you?” 
        I sniffled. “I can do this on my own.” 
        “Of course you can”, said Tommy. “But why would you want to?” 
        Tommy and I lingered in his truck, waiting to find the strength to do what had to be done.